>What am I waiting for?

>I just finished watching another episode of The Biggest Loser. I have been watching this show since season 1, watching these people change their lives on TV amidst cheesy product placement and ridiculous challenges where they hang from wires and freak out about eating a peanut butter cup, and every season I sit there and I watch and I think the same thing… I wish it were me.

Not because I want money, or to be on TV, or to be screamed at and berated by famous trainers. Only because I am so tired of being stuck in this stuffy, crowded, heavy, uncomfortable, poisonous body.

I am one of those people who fall victim to the vicious circle. I get stressed, eat, and gain a little weight. I stress even more about the weight I gained, eat to relieve the stress, and gain more. I look at myself, notice the weight I have gained, and fall into depression. Then I eat to make myself feel better, gain more weight, feel worse, eat to make myself feel better, gain more weight… See the pattern?

I see the pattern, I have it for a long time, and the sad part is I haven’t done much about it. I see exactly what I am doing to myself, WHILE I am doing it, and I do it anyway. My body is my own fault.

As I watched the Biggest Loser today I CRIED. I actually cried like a big old softy at these people and what they were going through, and the accomplishments they had made. I cried because they cried, and I wished that I was crying because I was feeling what they were feeling instead of watching it on TV. Like a big old baby, I cried.

I am going to take my big fat crying moment as a sign that I am ready to finally do something. I know what I need to do, and although I second guess myself, I know that I can do it. Last year I dropped a bunch of weight, and then I let myself get distracted yet again and I gained a little more than half of it back. It’s time to get back on the wagon and focus on myself for real instead of letting a million small things get in my way.

It’s time to give a crap about myself. What am I waiting for? Why is it so hard for me to do things for myself and put myself first? Why do I fight what I KNOW will be the best thing for me to do, not only to live a longer life, but to live a happier one?

Now to make a game plan…

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2 thoughts on “>What am I waiting for?

  1. >I too totally cry. That show is the reason why i have lost 10 pounds this month. Because the reality hit me one night that I was watching the show eating a bowl of icecream because i felt sorry for myself for being fat. How stupid is that? So if you need a sister to take the journey with you…I am your gal.

  2. >Awww, I love you.I always bawl watching Biggest Loser too. Their raw emotion while they are going through what they go through… I can't help be touched.You have a support system here, anything you need, be it a hug or an ass kicking Jillian style, you let me know, I'm here for you!(((HUGS)))

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