The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Love moves the flesh, it pushes matter around…. Throughout history, “tender loving care” has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing.
This quote seems fitting considering what I have been thinking about all day today. I had a sort of epiphany… Not sure if this really falls into the life changing category of epiphany, but I am gonna put it there anyway. Mostly because I hope that it does lead to a real life change. Just realizing it won’t do it though, I have to actually work on fixing what it made me realize about myself.
To be successful at changing your lifestyle, you have to do it because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself.
Now, to some people this may seem like common sense. To other people, like me, it isn’t quite that easy. I have a lifetime worth of experiences that make the whole loving myself thing very hard sometimes. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but abandonment issues seem to pop up consistently causing me a lot of turmoil. I thought I had overcome most of that stupid childhood crap, and there definitely are things that I love about myself. At the risk of sounding arrogant (although I promise, it isn’t arrogance, it’s acceptance of my own strengths and weaknesses)I know I am a smart person, I am good at making people laugh, I am good at presenting my opinions in ways that don’t put people on the defense, I am extremely caring, I am passionate, I have amazing hair, and I am a good photographer. These are all things that I take pride in, that I love about myself. I always thought that because I did love certain things about myself, that I loved myself.
Boy was I wrong.
I am learning through this process of trying to not just lose weight, but change my life, my attitude towards food, and ultimately my attitude towards myself, that I am not as happy with myself as I thought. Of course I recognize my value as a human being. I recognize that I am important to people in my life, that I matter, and that I am worthy of love/attention/good things happening in my life. I don’t have some sort of self loathing victim mentality. That doesn’t mean that I don’t value myself as much as I should, and that is something I really need to work on!
I am going to work on not just loving things about myself but actually LOVING MYSELF. If I can master that, I can change my life. I just need to get over whatever makes me feel guilty for actually loving myself. I have this voice in the back of my head that tells me that admitting I am awesome, and worth putting myself ahead of other people’s petty needs or desires, then I must be some selfish/narcissistic/cocky asshole who never thinks of anyone but myself. There is a balance, and I will find it.