A month left… commence freak out.

Today I am 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Less than a month (26 days to be exact) until my EDD. I am in the homestretch. I am surprisingly calm, or at least I was until a few minutes ago.


I actually got some pretty troubling (for me especially since I am such a worry wart) news yesterday. I went for a 3D ultrasound and the tech discovered that Nikaia is breech. Not a terribly big deal, but still concerning just because by this point she should be head down and locking into place for delivery. She does still have some time to flip… I have heard of babies flipping the DAY they are born… but not ideal that she is breech this late in the game. The tech said that she does have room to move still so we are hoping she will do what nature intends and get her little head down soon.


Now, considering I am a total control freak and I get extremely anxious about things relatively easy, this news should have sent me into immediate panic mode. I have actually been VERY worried about her being breech for a month or so now, and was VERY relieved when my doctor told me at my last appointment that she felt head down. I should have been VERY freaked out by the news that she is breech now right? Apparently not. It bothers me for sure, but for some reason I didn’t go into full swing panic mode.


Then I made the mistake of opening a thread on a message board I am on. A girl was asking for prayers for her friend, who just went through an induction to deliver her first child and ended up with an emergency c-section when things didn’t progress normally. The part that freaked me out is reading that she bled out during the surgery, had to get a total hysterectomy, and is still unstable and they don’t know if she will make it.


I would be devastated if I had to get a hysterectomy. DEVASTATED. In fact, devastated doesn’t even feel like it encompasses how horrible it would be for me. My heart is breaking for this woman and I have no idea who she is. Not knowing if she is even going to make it to meet the daughter she just had… now the ONLY one she will ever give birth to? Holy shit…


I don’t know if it is pregnancy hormones, or if the realization that if Nikaia stays breech my chances of getting a c-section myself skyrocket… Whatever it is I am sufficiently freaked out now. There were no signs that this woman would have any problems. She appeared perfectly healthy before all of this happened. My pregnancy has been amazing so far. This could happen to me. Any number of things could happen to me. Pregnancy is SCARY! I know all of this logically. I have known it all along, I just haven’t really FELT it. Now, kinda feeling it…


I prefer the whole ignorance is bliss thing. Time to crawl back into my hole.


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