It’s amazing how the vision you have of what your life will be can change in what feels like the blink of an eye.
For eight years my husband and I tried to get pregnant, dealt with infertility, tried to cope with the idea that we would never have children of our own, mourned that loss, cried, empowered ourselves, and finally came to terms with what our lives could be without kids. After all that, we got pregnant (well *I* got pregnant, but we as a family experienced it together). It was the most amazing, scary, life changing, surreal thing we have ever gone through. Now that our daughter is here, we can’t imagine life without her. Being a family of three with our sweet, goofy, extraordinary little girl felt like exactly where we were supposed to be.
Just when we got used to the idea of a whole new life completely different from what had taken us YEARS to finally come to terms with (admittedly this new version was much easier to get used to, but still a huge change nonetheless), it all changes again. This time it didn’t take eight YEARS. It only took about 8 weeks!
That’s right. We are pregnant… again! With a four month old daughter, we are expecting another addition to the family less than a year from her first birthday. We went from it taking eight years to get pregnant with Nikaia, to it only taking about 8 weeks to get pregnant with baby #2.
How does that happen????
Before you get all slap stick on me, I know HOW it happens biologically. When a man and a woman love each other very much, they hug really really tight and… birds and bees, etc, etc. What I don’t know is how to deal with it! I am scared out of my mind, especially since I just had a c-section four months ago. My doctor is going to look at me sternly for this! I am terrified of the first few years with two kids less than a year apart in age. I know, parents of multiples do it all the time, but I never imagined myself with ONE, much less two, so this is taking a bit of getting used to! I am freaked out by the thought of alllll of the expenses. All of it absolutely worth it, but still expensive!
Most of all, not completely desirable timing aside, I am over the moon ecstatic. I can not believe THIS is my life. I get to not only be mom to this amazing little girl that smiles and giggles and coo’s and blows spit bubbles every day, but I get to be mom to another one, too? At this moment I feel like the luckiest person in the entire universe. You know how parents coo about how their children make their lives complete, give their lives meaning, and make them worthwhile people… well, it’s true. At least, it is nauseatingly true for me. Having children is not the ONLY way to find meaning, be a worthwhile person, or make your life complete. Simply giving birth or having half of your DNA inside another little person does not magically make you a better person or give your life meaning. You have to put into parenting what you want to take out of it, and for me, I am putting in everything I have. I am a different person, a better person, now that I have my daughter. She makes me strive to be the best person, the best example I can be, and now I get another one to be in total awe of every single day. ❤ Unbelievable.
Alright, enough of the existential mumbo jumbo. On to the nitty gritty. I have my first doctor’s appointment tomorrow. I will not be publishing this post until after the appointment, and after I break the news to my family, because it is still early and I want to make sure everything is okay and verify my due date. I just want to type this all out as I am feeling it. According to my period, I should be due around January 6th. Nikaia’s birthday isn’t until January 18th. If I have another c-section, which is a strong possibility now that I have gone and gotten myself knocked up so quickly, I am looking at delivering around 39 weeks which would put me on or around December 30th. I could have two babies this calendar year! It just gets crazier and crazier!