Whole New Me

It’s been a while since I blogged regularly.

Who am I kidding? I have never blogged regularly. =P I do have some stuff going on that I want to talk about, so I am going to (once again) attempt to blog more often. I may succeed, I may fail.

Back in August I put it all out there and wrote a gut wrenching post about how I want to feel, and how disgusted I was with what I had done to my body. It was really hard to put out there, and I was hoping that by bearing it all and being so open that it would spark something in me. Well, it did. The spark started out small and it took 8 months, but ever since I posted that I have lost the ability to ignore my problems. It didn’t quite cause the instant rush of motivation to go out and conquer it all and make a radical change I was going for. I wasn’t some overnight sensation that dramatically changed my life. The change was slower, mostly because the depth of my ability to put up with my own self loathing was much more vast than I thought it was. I ended up spending months noticing more and more of the things I didn’t like about what I was doing to myself. It built slowly, but it did build.

I finally reached a breaking point about 3 weeks ago and something clicked. I don’t know how to describe it, I just felt READY. Ready to make a change and really give something an honest shot. In the past I have always chosen the meal plan, or diet, or “lifestyle change” that was the easiest to manipulate and seemed like it would give me the most dramatic results in fastest time with the least amount of actual change from me. It wasn’t an intentional thing, I just gravitated towards things that would let me cheat but dress it  up as revolutionary.  In reality it was just another way to throw off my bodies balance enough to cause weight loss in the short term but it would all bounce right back quicker than I lost it to begin with. You know… the yo-yo that EVERYONE claims happens with every plan BUT theirs. I thought I was AVOIDING exactly that, but I wasn’t. They were attractive to me so I would fall for the hype, but now I feel like since I am being  honest about myself I can see the options in front of me more honestly, as well.

When I saw a friend of mine on FB post about this plan she was doing it struck something in me. I think she just happened to be talking about the changes she was making at the exact time that I was finally ready to make changes in my own life. She was doing a clean eating, gluten-free, dairy-free, whole food program. All of the things that I would NEVER do before because it was too restrictive/expensive/complicated/over the top crunchy. Suddenly it didn’t seem so over the top anymore. All of the foods I used to indulge in stopped tasting good a few months ago because I was so grossed out with myself for eating them. The idea of actually PLANNING not to eat them was appealing. So, I researched the program on the best place to find tons of random crap… Pinterest. I found dozens of recipes, charts that listed all of the things I could eat, guidelines for what to avoid and how to replace it, outlines of how you will feel as  your body notices that you aren’t shoveling junk into it anymore (a lot of people call this “detoxing” but I HATE that word, it’s been made so cliche by the diet industry that using it at all feels cliche now), and tons of other good stuff that really made me feel prepared. I watched this friend of mine post more and more about how she was feeling the longer she was eating that way, and that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted what she had. So, I decided to stop wanting and start doing.

I am on day 12 of  Whole30 (look it up if you are curious, I am not here to peddle the plan, just talk about my experience) and while I have still had temptations and weak moments, I have stuck with it. Not only have I stuck with it, I feel STRONG in my resolve still! I am already down at least 10 lbs, and although I have a LOT to lose, that 10lbs was instant proof that what I am doing is allowing my body to let go of the extra fluid that it has been retaining to protect itself from the awful stuff I have been putting into it. I bet some of that was even excess fat. The best part is that I haven’t felt deprived at all, in fact I am not really eating enough! I have been shoving my face with healthy, whole, clean foods and they are delicious! I think Whole30 may end up being more like Whole90 because with my horrible relationship with food I think I need a longer reset, but even the prospect of 90 days without my beloved Takis, or cotton candy, or chocolate on Mother’s Day, or BBQ smothered everything on Father’s Day, or Macayo’s isn’t daunting to me. It makes sense to eat the way I am eating now, not because some book or motivational speaker or documentary tells me it makes sense… but because food is not my crutch, or my comfort, or my entertainment. Food is fuel for my body.

  • One should eat to live, not live to eat. -Moliere
  • Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food. – Hippocrates
  • Those who have no time for healthy eating will sooner or later have to find time for illness. -Edward Stanley
  • In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired.  ~Author Unknown

This time feels different. This time I am going to be different. It’s a whole new me.

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3 thoughts on “Whole New Me

  1. Not only will you lose weight, but there is so much research to support how HORRIBLE these processed “food-like products” are on SO many levels. They do horrible things to your body that scientists haven’t even had enough time to draw conclusions about at this point… cancers, brain diseases…. early death by something else, if not obesity. I am so happy to see these types of eating methods becoming more popular than the yoyo Jenny Craig or Nutrisystem type crap, which addicting, horrible processed foods that only do short term “good”. THIS is something you can stick with forever and your kids will grow up eating this way and cooking this way! You don’t have to worry about cooking separately if you start their tastebuds on this delish, whole food early on. I waited a little too late with mine, so it’s been a bit harder to hit the reset button – but slowly, they have adjusted and hate so much of the processed stuff now. Your “thin” post was absolutely heart breaking because I could feel your pain in the words, but I think you HAVE to hit the lowest low before you can gain the necessary momentum to STAY on track. I’m so proud of you and I hope you will keep posting all of the pictures you have been lately, because it helps inspire ME too!

  2. Ten pounds! WOW! That’s an awesome start! Trina, you are amazing. 😀 I’m so glad you’ve found something you can stick to.

    I need to find my motivation again. I haven’t lost a thing since the holidays and I feel like crud, especially when I look at my wedding pics. =P You’ve motivated me to get back to doing something about it! I don’t know how well I’ll stick with that motivation, but it’s there right now. hehe

    I don’t know if you’re friends with Claire on FB (one of my WoW friends), but she lost half her body weight over the last six months. Eating whole, gluten-free, healthy foods (I think similar to what you’ve got going on), and taking a walk with her daughter every day. The pics she’s posted have been shocking. And she started just like you are.

    It hasn’t been easy for her, and even though she’s in her 20s I think it has been just as much of a struggle for her as it will be for you, because she’s been fighting other health problems, including lupus. She’s down under 200 and still feels like huge, and her self-esteem is going to take time catching up to her size. But if you need someone to talk to, or to keep you motivated and hopeful, I can introduce you guys to each other.

    Anyway, mostly I just wanted to say I think you’re already pretty awesome. I hope you stick with this so that you’ll never feel like you did in that other post ever again. Your daughters will look up to you and model their lives after you, and I want you to be proud of the example you’re giving them. You’re already strong and project an air of confidence. You’re open-minded and caring. They’ve got someone wonderful to lead them already. If you can feel good about yourself and your body, that will be just another advantage you’ll give to both of them. Good luck.

  3. It’s so very clear that you have found a way of living and eating that makes sense to both your body and brain! I love the recipes you post – I’m also working on clean eating but am often unsure how to feed myself. My goal is not weight loss; my health took a nosedive about a year ago. No more poisons, dyes, preservatives, & hormones and my health has improved without the conventional medicines prescribed by my doctor.

    There is truth in this way of eating – I’m so proud of you and look forward to following your journey for inspiration and reinforcement!

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